RICHTER: Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. … [laughter] All right, well, let just move on. I’d like it) introduce the next… [laughter] the next cast member. Let’s bring out Janeane Garofalo. Janeane, come on out. [applause]
JANEANE GAROFALO! Thank you. Thank you.
RICHTER: You’re welcome. So… [laughter at Odenkirk on tape]
GAROVALO: Oh!
RICHTER: So…[laughter] I think everybody pretty much wants to hear about
the making out.
GAROFALO: The making out?
RICHTER: Yeah, the making out.
GAROFALO: Between you and I?
STILLER: Yeah. Drunk and make out?
GAROFALO: It’s just the same old story. [laughter] Same old drunken debauch, it’s unhealthy.
RICHTER; You know, let’s just move on.
STILLER: That was a great story.
GAROFALO: I have no idea, I didn’t know.
RICHTER: Now before this show, you had primarily been doing stand-up, right?
GAROFALO: Yes… [laughter at Odenkirk]
RICHTER: So, this was sort of a departure for you, to do a special like this?
GAROFALO:I should just not talk and let Bob have his day. [laughs]
RICHTER: This seemed like a good idea, too. So, how was that, you know, to go into a situation where you were doing all this character work?
GAROFALO: Make the transition from stand-up– Making the transition from stand-up to doing this?
RICHTER: From stand-up to character work?
GAROFALO: Yes. I storied doing stand-up in ’85, when I was in college, and… [laughter] he [indicating Odenkirk loves this, he loves this story. And then I met Ben, and Ben asked me to do the show. I had never really done anything - like the first of anything I ever did that - like that was Juliette Lewis in "Cape Munster," who was my first throwing my hat in the ring of whatever this is, sketch comedy, or whatever.
So, the transition actually was difficult in that I didn't even know about off-camera dialogue, or feeding off-camera lines, or hitting marks, and standing in your light, and things of that nature... [laughter] I told you he [Odenkirkj loves this story. Loves that bit about hitting your mark... [laughter] So that’s what the transition was like for me.
RICHTER: So, that’s what the transition was like?
APATOW: I think we all should have videotaped ourselves. [laughter]
GAROFALO: I know.
RICHTER: It would have been good… [Iaughter] So, I don’t know what to say either. I mean, I’m sort of creeped out by this also. [laughterl I know, I know, I know. Jeez... When the show ended, I mean, were you devastated?
GAROFALO: I was really unhappy that it had ended, but we saw that coming, I think. I mean, the network was always displeased with us. But I was also on "The Larry Sanders Show" by that time, when it had ended.
RICHTER: Oh, you were?
GAROFALO: So, I luckily had a job. And I was still doing stand-up, also, simultaneously. But I never thought I would really do other TV besides "Larry Sanders" and "Ben Stiller." Like I thought that was the end of the line, and I had achieved more than I had even hoped for. And then I wound up in "Reality Bites' and things just kind happening after that. But I had no intention of like continuing to act, or do anything like that.
RICHTER: Was working on Ben's show, was that the first time you met Garry Shundling?
GAROFALO: Yes.
RICHTER: It was?
GAROFALO: Yeah. I met him in a make-up chair
RICHTER: And did that sort of segue into
GAROFALO: And that segued into playing Paula on "The Larry Sanders Show." It was very fortuitous for me.
RICHTER: That's good... (laughter]
APATOW: [indicating Odenkirk] He’s not buying it.
RICHTER: It seems they’re having a problem with your word usage, [laughter] fortuitous. hmm…
GAROFALO: [under laughter] –is Iliat wrong? I’m just feeling so much – a lot of fatigue [pronounced "fatty-goo"] from the altitude.
RICHTER: [laughs] I know. Are you having any altitude problems?
GAROFALO: I just said fatigue [pronounced "fatty-goo"] instead of fatigue.
RICHTER: Right, but that’s – no one noticed.
GAROFALO: No one notices what I’m saying. They’re all busy watching Bob. [laughter]
RICHTER: Oh boy, I don’t know where to go with this now. So, do you have any – is there anything with the different sort of – the… [laughter] you know, your Reuben Kincaids that were coming on the show, was there any point, any funny anecdotes that you had, like Herve Villechaize pulling a gun on you, or anything?
GAROFALO: I don’t think I have any funny -
APATOW: No funny anecdote?
GAROFALO: Oh, I think Bob wants to butt in.
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE] Yeah, can I say something, Andy?
RICHTER: Yeah, sure. Thank you.
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE]: I just want to – I’m sorry to interrupt. I just want to tell a little story here, ’cause I’m listening to what you guys are saying, and I think–
I have something that might color things a little differently. But it’s basically about how the show is named. And do you guys mind if I tell this back? No? No, Janeane?
GAROFALO: Nuh-hmm.
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE]: [laughs] Okay, all right, I’m telling. I’m telling. I’m tattling on everyone here [laughter] I’m gonna do this, A little insider information. The show was originally scheduled to be opposite “60 Minutes,- and that’s all they knew about it. Was that they wanted to something on Fox, opposite “60 Minutes.” Because up until this point, Fox just would run dead air, And [laughter] so, they called it originally “30 Minutes.” ‘Cause they really only had an idea for it 30-minute show. They were just going to run dead air the other 30.
[Janeane laughs]
And then, once they hired us, they hired Ben and Janeane, and Andy and myself, and they called the show, “Four Nuts,” ‘Cause they thought we were just nuts. And then very quickly, Janeane captured their hearts. And I don’t know how she does it, she’s a heart capturer. I don’t know if she has some kind of net, or [laughter] whatever, however she captures hearts, she did it and they called the show, for a short time, “Garofalo!” with an exclamation. [laughter.]
And then after a few more rehearsals, the network was coming and they saw Andy Dick rise to the top, the way he can. And they changed the name of he show to “Insider Washington With Andy Dick.” [laughter] I don’t know why they called it “Inside Washington.” They have their own ideas. I guess ’cause it was a Sunday show.
Then I took the lead. And I don’t know how I did it either. I guess I wined and dined a few people, but they changed the name of the show to “Bob Odenkirk Presents Andy Dick In ‘Garofalo!’ Featuring Ben Stiller.” [laughter] And that lasted right up until show time.
And then I guess they found out through some channels, I don’t know, some news weekly, that Ben was related to Stiller and Meara, and they didn’t want to piss them off, so, “Ben Stiller Show.” But… anyways, that’s the story,
STILLER: Thanks, Bob. Thanks a lot, Bob.
RICHTER: Yeah, thanks, Bob. [laughter]
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE]: Yeah, [laugter]
[Andy Dick staggers through theater onto stage, wearing a beehive blond wig and sunglasses]
ANDY DICK: Yeah, thanks, Bob.
GAROFALO: Oh my God!
DICK: I couldn’t find the fucking theater. [laughter] I couldn’t find the fucking theater.
APATOW: Wow.
DICK: I couldn’t find the fucking theater. [laughter] But I found it! I fucking found it!
RICHTER: Ladies and gentlemen, Andy Dick. [applause]
DICK: How you doing? [applause] How you doing, Andy?
RICHTER: Very nice.
DICK: How’s Conan the Barbarian?
RICHTER: Huh?
DICK: Conan! How is he?
RICHTER: I think he’s here somewhere. How are you, Conan?
CONAN O’BRIEN [from audience]: I’m doing good.
RICHTER: He’s doing good
DICK: Con somebody get me another root beer? [throws bottle offstage]
STILLER: Ooh! Wow.
RICHTER: You know, I think it’s time for clip package.
DICK: Oh, how you doing, Janeane? [laughter] Am I wearing enough fucking black for you? [laughter] Am I hip enough? No, I got a few things to say to a couple people here, before we move on in our little video segments. [takes off sunglasses, revealing another pair of glasses]
RICHTER: Oh my God, he had two pairs of glasses on. [laughter]
RICHTER: Hey, Andy, why don’t you just – why don’t you–
DICK: Why don’t you just…
RICHTER: You know what –
DICK: Benjamin Stillman. [sic] I’ve never been better.
RICHTER: And you know what I think would make everybody feel better?
DICK: What?
RICHTER: Some film parodies.
DICK: Take the wig off? There you go.
RICHTER: No, some film parodies.
DICK: That’s me in the raw. I want to say something to Benjamin Stillman.
RICHTER: Okay.
DICK: I did not have… a drug out — a drug and/or alcoholic problems until I was on your god-fucking show! [laughter] Gee, I should… [stomps on floor] crush your fucking skull! [laughter] Hey, look what Comedy Central gave me. [dumps out gift bag] [applause] Did you get one of these?
RICHTER: Seriously, let’s just roll the clip-
DICK: [takes drink through red crepe paper] Ugh, it’s bleeding, like whop you pee and You wearing paper.
RICHTER: –Film Parodies.” Please, just let’s roll it
[CLIP SHOWN: "BEN STILLER SHOW" FILM PARODIES]
[laughter/applause]
RICHTER: Hey, Andy’?
STILLER: That was great work, Andy.
RICHTER: We just saw
DICK: I like it, I like it.
RICHTER: We saw you as Woody Allen as the Mummy.
DICK: I like it.
RICHTER: I understand there was a problem as to who would be cast as the Mummy.
DICK: [with heavy drunken slurring) You talkin' about Jeff Kahn-o-fuckin-faggot?
RICHTER: Yeah, Jeff Kahn, he was the writer of the sketch.
DICK: Is he here? [stands]
STILLER: No, he’s not. I don’t think you should – Andy, Andy, he’s…
DICK: Jeffrey Kahn?
STILLER: No, he’s not – he didn’t come to the reunion.
DICK: I’ll sniff him out. [laughter] Who did come besides you? [goes to edge of stage, calls] Jerry Seinfeld?! Seinfeld? Raise your hand and be counted! Like a fucking man … [laughter]
RICHTER: You know, you guys also did…
DICK: [overlapping]I told you he was a fucking cunt bitch.
STILLER: Ooh, Jesus.
DICK: OOOH! [laughter] Ooh, I just shat on the God of them all. [laughter] Fuck off Ben.
RICHTER: You know, you guys also did a lot of TV parodies, I understand. Let’s take a look at some of those now.
[CLIPS SHOWN: "BEN STILLER SHOW" TV PARODIES]
[applause]
RICHTER: Now, playing the other cop in that is sort of the fifth cast member, your utility player, a guy named John O’Donohue, who was very involved in the show.
DICK: Johnny!
RICHTER: Let’s bring John out. [applause]
DICK: Johnny!
RICHTER: There he is.
STILLER: John was – I met John -
DICK: I didn’t know you were here.
JOHN O’DONOHUE: Yeah, I’m here, I’m here.
STILLER: –in 1989, I think. I did this special with Colin Quinn called “Back to Brooklyn,” and we did a sketch where it was a wake, an Irish wake, and John just came in on a Backstage – open call, Backstage, the paper – and then he ended up playing cop who beat up people and me.
[Dick collapses]
APATOW: Oh, man. [laughter]
STILLER: So anyway, he became our generic cop guy.
RICHTER: Right. And did you do other stuff on the show other than just the cops?
O’DONOIIUF: Yeah. I did the Deadhead Insurance Man – was one of my favorites
RICHTER: Deadhead Insurance Man?
O’DONOHUE I sold insurance-
DICK: [overlapping] You kicked ass with that fucking thing.
O’DONOHUE: Thank you. [laughter] Thank you, Andy. And by the way, Andy, I love your outfit.
RICHTER: Thank you very much. Thank you. I like yours, too.
O’DONOHUE: It’s dope, you know what I’m saying?
RICHTER: Thank you, I’m trying for “dope ”
O’DONOHUE: See, I’ve got to talk like that because I’m a little bit older than these guys, and in order for me to fit in, I’ve got to say “dope” and “bad” and shit like that, know what I’m saying?
RICHTER: That’s perfectly acceptable. You’re among friends, for the most part. [laughter] So did you – were you already out in L.A. when this–
O’DONOHUE: Well, yeah, I was. I came out I retired from the police force in 1989.
STILLER: Yeah, John’s a real cop.
O’DONOHUE: And there’s a true story now that can be told now. Ben doesn’t know this story. The way I got the job, I was working the midnight-to-8:00 shift in the meat-packing district in New York. And I’m just starting the tour, I’m walking my post, minding my own business. I’m going to Luigi’s for a little cannoli and some double latte, you know. And all of a sudden, down on the corner of 14th Street down by the river, where all these transvestites hang out,who do I see but Andy Dick. He’s standing there with his penis out. [laughter] So I had to make a decision–
DICK: Don’t tell that fuckin’ story. [laughterl
0'DONOHUE: I've got to tell it, Andy. I've got to tell it because, hey, I'm real. I'm about the real deal.
DICK: [overlapping] Johnny, if you fuckin’ tell that fucking story! [voices overlap,l
O'DONCHUE: I'm about the real deal. I'm not about - I'm not a half-assed, candyass, half-a-fag
DICK: Do not tell that fucking story!
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE]: [overlapping] All right, all right, I’m here. I’m…
RICHTER: Wait, Bob, time we got Bob’s–
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE]: I’m reading for the part of Bob. Yeah, okay, it’s my turn. Excuse me, everyone. This has been really entertaining.
DICK: [overlapping] The End! Do not tell the story! [voices overlap]
O’DONOHUE: Hey, fuck you, Bob!
ODENKIRK [ON TAPE]: I’m going to go do my work. [he exits the video]
DICK: There is no story! Fucking faggot! [voices overlap as Dick acts up]
O’DONOHUE: Faggot. He’s got his dick out down in the meat-packing district and he’s calling me a faggot. [laughter]
RICHTEM: I think it’s time we bring out the writers for the show. A breath of fresh -air would do us good. We have three members of the writing staff. Rob Cohen, David Cross and Sultan Pepper. [applause]
[Cohen, Cross and Pepper enter]
RICHTER: Oh, here we go. They’re coming up from the audience. [applause]
[Cross introduces himself to everybody left on the panel.]
DICK: I’m not a fucking transvestite.
O’DONOHUE: I’m sorry.
DAVID CROSS: Hi, how are you? I’m David Cross.
O’DONOHUE: How you doin’, David?
CROSS: Good. David Cross.
RICHTER: David, since you’re up, why don’t – hi, there, hi. You know what’? I have these -you can pass these out [hands him name tags] because I wasn’t sure who was going to be here, so But David, I’ll ask you a question. I mean, You’ve known these guys all for a long time. I mean, you’re somewhat of a raconteur. I mean, do you have a – like what’s your funniest memory of your experience on the show?
CROSS: Well, I don’t know. I don’t think anybody really knows this, but I was like a last-minute – I came in at the very end. And I really don’t–
DICK: The end of my ass. Remember that?
CROSS: Very funny. Very funny.
DICK: You remember lickin’ my ass?
CROSS: Sure, sure. [laughter] Honestly, though, I think everybody should know that I was really — I came in at the end. I was hired for like — I was only here for shows nine through 12. So I was only–
RICHTER: So no funny stories?
CROSS: I had no funny stories. I didn’t write very much
DICK: That’s for sure.
ROB COHEN: Andy, are you okay’? You look normally pale, but you’re excessively pale. Are you all right’?
DICK: Ask what makes me feel–
COHEN: Need some water, Andy? Or a nap?
DICK: [inaudible] [Dick leaves]
COHEN: You okay? I’m just saying–
RICHTER: You know, maybe we should open it up. A good time to open up the questions - open up to the floor if people have any questions out there. Anyone out there at all? Anybody’? You, sir?
QUESTION: Yeah, this is for David. What was it like working on the show? [laughter]
CROSS: I’ll say again, it was — I was happy to have work. It was my first real thing, but I don’t have any stories. I really didn’t write very much. I was in at the very end, so I don’t have any… I really don’t have any stories. I don’t. I’m sorry.
RICHTER: That’s strike two.
CROSS: No, I don’t.
RICHTER: Any other questions? Or anybody have anything? Yes?
QUESTION: For David. Do you have any funny anecdotes? [laughter]
CROSS: I’m sorry. I’ve tried before to say that Ijust simply wasn’t there. I mean, I can’t answer these questions, but no one seems to care. I mean, I’d love to feel like I should be a part of this, You know, I feel like I’m a crutch. You know -
[music starts, Cross sings]
‘But if truth be told,
may I be so bold to say:
I didn’t write much.
No, I didn’t write much!
I’d love to say that I deserve this.
I’d pay to say I earned my keep.
But let’s be totally honest, I met – Ben, is it? – for the first time last week.
When I first got to the office, I could barely make a friend — Bob gave me shit and Judd threw it fit and Janeane was on the mend [indicates drinking].
I didn’t write much.
I wasn’t there in the clutch.
You know, each time Andy would whine:
“Write something for me, huh-buh-huh.”
Well, of course, I’d agree.
But Andy is a freak. [laughter]
Okay, but that’s neither here nor there,
lets get back to the point: Andy is a freak.
He’s lovable for about a week.
Okay, again, I know that’s neither here nor there, back to the issue at hand:
What am I doing here ragging on my friends in front of a room full of strangers? Rearrangers. We’re in danger!
This isn’t a mock reunion — this is a REAL reunion! They said it was fun but it’s real!
Get out of here!
[Cross runs into audience, starts grabbing members of audience, then chases others off the stage]
They lied to me. They lied to — got the fuck out of here!! Get out!! Get out!! Get the fuck out!!! Don’t you understand what’s happening?! Don’t you have any idea? [noise/effects/crash sound effects.]
[A Musketeer enters and swordfights with Cross, wounding him. Cross falls to the floor, feeling his chest]
CROSS: Blood was supposed to come. [laughter]
[Sings] You see, I didn’t write. [collapses, is dragged offstage, applause]
RICHTER: isn’t that the way it always goes? [laUghler] Well, I think that’s about it. I mean, a pirate seems as– [Andy Dick re-enters, staggering] Oh, Andy, are you–?
[Dick staggers toward Garofalo, Stiller leaves the stage.]
RICHTER: Thanks for coming tonight, folks. It’s been
[Dick throws up, then on Garofalo. He staggers to front of stagc, throws up more, collapses and eventually falls off the front of tile stage][laughter/groans]
STILLER: [to Garofalo] You all right? You okay?
GAROFALO: Yeah, I’m fine.
RICHTER: Good night! Thank you very much! [applause]
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